My weekend

Well, some good stuff happened and some bad stuff happened, and some weird stuff happened!

On Friday afternoon at work, Mom announced that she needed to vacuum, so she brought out the vacuum and plugged it in (Gumball is very scared of the vacuum!) and she started to vacuum, and then she stopped, and said that the vacuum wasn't sucking anything up.

She checked the vacuum cleaner bag, and it was empty, and she had put it in the right way.

Then she turned the vacuum cleaner upside down, and started inspecting the big spinning bar on the bottom of it, and she sat down with the upside-down vacuum and got some small scissors and started cutting, and kept talking about how there was some dog hair wrapped around the brush, but not much (HA!) and that normally that didn't affect the sucking, anyway.

Then she inspected all the hoses, and couldn't find anything blocking them.

So then she got really confused, and she started taking the vacuum apart, and on the inside of it she found a yellow sponge that looked like Sponge Bob Square Pants, and it was clean. So now she didn't know what to do. She finally decided to explore some more, because she said she was NOT going to buy a new vacuum, and I hope not, because this one has a wonderful "Bailey attachment" that she uses to vacuum me, and it feels Sooooooooooo good!

She lifted up the vacuum Sponge Bob Square Pants, and said "Whoa..."

She even made her friend come and look at it, and her friend said "Oh my god you got a hamster in your vacuum!" So that got me to come in for an even closer look.

But it wasn't a hamster!

This is what it looked like after Mom used tools to dig it out of the vacuum's tummy.

Mom says it was a dense blob of my hair and carpet fibers from the store. And some dirt. it was pretty big! This sort of proves my theory about toxic dog hair, huh? After Mom put the vacuum cleaner back together, it worked like brand new! But here's the deal: That is NOT my hair. It is Gumball's.

Here is my proof: 1) As you can seen in this picture, my hair is a lustrous red, while Gumball's hair is sandy brown, like the vacuum hamster's.
2) Golden Retreiever's do NOT shed. It is a well-known fact, right, guys?
3) Mom vacuums me almost every day at work, so there is no way any of my beautiful hair could get trapped in the vacuum's tummy (um, that made sense in my head)

On Sunday, Mom asked me if I wanted to go ride in the car, so I came running, and jumped in the car, and Mom did NOT go back inside to get Gumball. Just Mom and me went for a ride! It was so peaceful! We went to work, but just for a short visit. And then we had another peaceful ride home!

Later Sunday night Mom was working on the computer (duh), doing something she calls "syncing the iPad." I do not know anything about that, but I DO know that now she has TWO laptop computers, and that is no fair. But anyway, when she does this syncing thing, the small computer is hooked up to the other computer with a short cord she calls the "USB Cable". And this syncing stuff takes a really really long time, like 2 hours! It is ridiculous. But anyway, Mom started the syncing, and after about an hour she decided to go cook dinner, and so I ate my dinner, and then ran upstairs to drool on her while she ate hers. And I jumped on the bed and nudged my way over to her, and she started yelling and yelling, and I decided I better go hide in my bed, even though she was eating. It was a tough decision, but she seemed pretty mad. Mad enough that she had put her hot dinner over on the table, and grabbed the computers, and that's when she started telling me I had stepped on the USB cable and unplugged it from the 'puter, and now she had to start the sync all over. Oh noes. But she started it again, and then I snuck back over to the bed, and eventually she convinced me it was safe for me to jump back up there. And I got to lick her soup bowl when she was finished. Yay!

TDH strikes again!

I don't know about you guys, but my Mom has this strange, magical machine in the kitchen, and I really wish she would get rid of it.



It is square, and has a door that folds down, and most of the time my Mom leaves the door open ('cause she is lazy -- oops, there goes my treat tomorrow...!), and lots of times my toys roll under that door and get stuck. And sometimes I catch the edge of the door with my cone, and that is just annoying.



But the real problem is, Mom puts dishes in this machine - dishes and cups and silverwares - all kinds of stuff that I could be cleaning for her, and when she cuts on the machine, it makes a quiet noise for a long time, and then the dishes come out with absolutely no food left on them. This is a waste of perfectly good snacks!!


And what I really want to know is, where does all the food go??


Well, I thought I figured it all out yesterday:

Mom was unloading the machine - taking all the plates that I could have cleaned for her (and a whole lot faster, too, if you know what I mean!), and after she got the bottom shelf emptied, she said "hmmm" and she pulled the bottom shelf all the way out real fast and reached her arm way inside the machine, and she grabbed something out of it, and just kind of tossed it on the kitchen floor, and went back to inspecting the stoopid machine.

I had been halfway watching her from my comfy rug in the dining room, but when I saw her drop this thing on the kitchen floor, I jumped up like a rocket, and zoomed into the kitchen to check it out. 'Cause I just knew it was food - right? I mean, food goes in - so it must come out.

And Mom heard my claws clicking as I ran like a fool, and she turned around and saw me zooming in on it, and she said "No, Bailey" which everyone knows is Mom secret code for "Now Bailey, that is a delicious snack that I really really want for myself, so you stay away!", so I took 2 quick sniffs, and sucked up that treat!

Like lightning, I tell you.

And Mom said "You are SO gross, Bailey."

And that's when it hit me - I had just eaten a giant clump of Toxic Dog Hair.

Toxic Dog Hair: the Truth

My mailbox has been flooded with e-mails from other friends whose dog toys have inexplicably fallen apart, and they also suspect toxic dog hair (TDH) is the culprit.

As a responsible journalist, I have now done extensive research into this, and these are my findings:

I have inspected hundreds of photos of my poor dead dog toys - I have found copious amounts of dog hair in every photo!

By now, you have probably seen the pics of poor cow baby's left ear - covered in TDH!

Here is more irrefutable photographic evidence:

Poor piggy baby

And a close up photo of poor piggy's tummy area:

Click on the photo if you need to - I have circled what I believe to be Ground Zero of the TDH accumulation.

I have hundreds of more photos that tell the same sad story, but quite frankly, it was very painful for me to go back and look at all my dear old, and now sadly demised, friends, and I just don't think I can bear to relive these memories again.

So here are my new theories, the result of several hours of extensive study, whenever I wasn't sleeping, or eating, or getting my tummy rubbed:

Toxic Dog Hair (TDH) is responsible for:

1) Global Warming -- there are probably tons and tons of TDH floating around up there somewhere, trapping those greenhouse gases, whatever they are...

2) Hurricanes and Typhoons (forget that silly "Butterfly Effect" nonsense - I suspect TDH)

3) the Blue Screen of Death and other critical computer errors -- there's really no doubt here -

my Mom has had to have her computer professionally cleaned (and even replaced, one time) because so much TDH got inside it that it stopped working --- sorry, Mom

4) the Current Economic Crisis - I won't even pretend to know what this is, but the News Guy is always saying it, and he sound really sad and serious when he says it, so it must be something bad, and I bet TDH is involved.

5) And, most importantly (to me), the deterioration of my favorite babies.

That's all I have come up with so far, but I will keep conducting my top secret research.

Let me know if you have some horrible events you believe are caused by TDH.

The world must know!!

The End is Near...

When Mom came home from work, she found this on her pillow:

Do you recognize it?

Here is a hint:

It is cow baby's left ear.

Once again, one of my brand new dog toys is falling apart, all on it's own.

But I think I have figured out the reason all my dog toys keep falling apart!

If you look closely at the top picture, you will notice there there is a lot of Bailey-hair all over the ear. Hence, dog hair must cause deterioration of dog toys, and the longer you play with them, the more dog hair they get on them, so the more rapid the deterioration.

I really AM a genius, just like my Mom says!