Saturday, August 8, 2009

Toxic Dog Hair: the Truth

My mailbox has been flooded with e-mails from other friends whose dog toys have inexplicably fallen apart, and they also suspect toxic dog hair (TDH) is the culprit.

As a responsible journalist, I have now done extensive research into this, and these are my findings:

I have inspected hundreds of photos of my poor dead dog toys - I have found copious amounts of dog hair in every photo!

By now, you have probably seen the pics of poor cow baby's left ear - covered in TDH!

Here is more irrefutable photographic evidence:

And a close up photo of poor piggy's tummy area:

Click on the photo if you need to - I have circled what I believe to be Ground Zero of the TDH accumulation.

I have hundreds of more photos that tell the same sad story, but quite frankly, it was very painful for me to go back and look at all my dear old, and now sadly demised, friends, and I just don't think I can bear to relive these memories again.

So here are my new theories, the result of several hours of extensive study, whenever I wasn't sleeping, or eating, or getting my tummy rubbed:
Toxic Dog Hair (TDH) is responsible for:

1) Global Warming -- there are probably tons and tons of TDH floating around up there somewhere, trapping those greenhouse gases, whatever they are...

2) Hurricanes and Typhoons (forget that silly "Butterfly Effect" nonsense - I suspect TDH)

3) the Blue Screen of Death and other critical computer errors -- there's really no doubt here -
my Mom has had to have her computer professionally cleaned (and even replaced, one time) because so much TDH got inside it that it stopped working --- sorry, Mom

4) the Current Economic Crisis - I won't even pretend to know what this is, but the News Guy is always saying it, and he sound really sad and serious when he says it, so it must be something bad, and I bet TDH is involved.

5) And, most importantly (to me), the deterioration of my favorite babies.

That's all I have come up with so far, but I will keep conducting my top secret research.

Let me know if you have some horrible events you believe are caused by TDH.

The world must know!!


Anonymous said...

TDH is no joke people!

It has claimed many vaccum cleaners too.

& our milkbone provider suffers from chronic TDH syndrome..leaving her unable to finish projects... at closer inspection it was found she was COVERED in TDH.

Golden Investigators from the TN branch - Morgan & Mully.

Bailey said...

You are SO right, art!

I remembered about all the past vacuums that have come and gone in our house sometime in the middle of the night, and I woke up Mom so she would log me on to computer so I could edit my post, but she made me go back to bed.


And I completely forgot about all her jewelry projects that are covered in dog hair -
Did you know that she originally planned to call her company "Hair of the Dog" instead of "Sweet Freedom Designs", simply because each project would inevitably contain one of my valuable hairs?
But people talked her out of it - they told her it would make her sound like a drunk!

Once I get a list of other peoples TDH horror stories, I'll compile them in a new post!

Thanks for your input!

Lorenza said...

Hi, Bailey!
Yes, the vaccum cleaner suffers too!
My grandma has made some crafting that ended in nothing due to my hair!
Kisses and hugs

For My Sweet Daughter said...

haha, love it. I tried to tape a package this morning and omg the dog hair. I have thought of putting that on my etsy listings "may contain dog hair" It's everywhere!
Be careful out there!

Bailey said...

Mom is now thinking she will offer my beautiful(shedded) hair on Etsy for free, and then folks will just have to pay the shipping.

And, shhh - don't tell, but that is where she plans to "zing 'em", whatever that means.

But who wouldn't want my beautiful soft red hair? It would be wonderful as a handmade supply.