Do YOU See the Humor?

Someone sent this to my Mom - It is supposed to be some kind of High-larious joke, but I don't get it:

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:

Dear Dogs:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print or slobber in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell other dogs' butts. Kiss me first, then lick your own private parts. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less

(2) don't ask for money all the time

(3) are easier to train

(4) normally come when called (bribing with treats may be necessary)

(5) never ask to drive the car

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people

(7) don't smoke or drink

(8) don't want to wear your clothes

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ....

I am now accepting rebuttals - please leave them in my comments!

I'll start: Racing on the stairs is absolutely vital, because if my owner is going downstairs, there is probably going to be a food opportunity, and I want to be first in line! And if she is going upstairs, the only way for me to get the best spot on the bed, is to beat her to it!

My newest Baby

Lookie what I got! Mom bought me a new baby!

It came to live with me on Saturday!


I love this baby! It squeaks, and has a good chewy neck, and Mom and I can play tug of war with it!

Mom calls it Ugly Baby. That's mean. All babies are beautiful, and yummy!

Speaking of yummy, today is the last day to vote in my poll! Don't forget!

Pizza is winning!!!!

Barefoot in the Park, Part 2

Sorry it took me so long to get the second part of this up - Mom has been hogging the computer, and she found out I was using it when she was at work, so now she has been putting it up when she is gone. But no worries, I will foil her attempts to monitor my internet activity! If I can learn how to open a door, I can learn how to open her laptop!

Anyway, back to my story.

All the dogs at the park started to follow me - probably because I am so pretty! BOL!

Then Mom took this picture of me, which was just plain rude - dogs need privacy, too!

I just wanted to meet all the people at the park, and these dogs kept getting in my way!

That little white and brown dog is Oliver - he was everywhere! He was like the Energizer Bunny - he liked to run and run and run!

But here he is trying to keep me from getting some rubs!

And this black dog was all kinds of trouble!

Look at him trying to steal my tennis ball!

Here's a bunch of dancing doggies - I'm just not into that kind of stuff, although I have been known to dance with my Mom.

And look who's right in there, trying to dance: that same ball-stealing black dog!

So here is how I told Mom I was DONE with this park thing -

I put on my tired face, and started heading for the gate.

Other dogs at the gate were waiting for that lady to let her dog in - they are like the park greeters, or something.


But I edged in front of them, planning my escape!

And I almost made it, but that lady caught on, and foiled my plan. She used her knee to nudge me back inside the gate.


So Mom got my leash out her bag (that's her bag hanging on the fence behind me)- and I got all excited, because I love my leash!

She put my leash on me, and I started prancing around the park with my leash - I was so happy, I didn't want to leave anymore!



One guy at the park kept calling me a "show-off".

I'm not sure what that means, but I think he was jealous. His dogs probably don't know how to carry their own leashes, so he has to do it!

But I can walk myself wherever I want to!

So Mom and I left the doggy park, and walked all around the rest of Pendleton King Park.

I checked out this pretty gazebo - but it was boring.

Then Mom walked right past our car, and headed out of the park!

That confused me. But I was walking with my leash, so I didn't really care.

Mom read this boring sign.

Then she took about a hundred pictures of this house.

Mom can be really weird sometimes.

I was SO bored. She tells all about this boring stuff in her blog.

We finally headed back to the car! Yea! I love the car!

And she got really, really lost. I didn't know it at the time, but we were headed over to her shop, but I knew we were driving in circles, getting nowhere.

Mom talks to herself in the car sometimes, so I finally figured out where we were going, and here is a picture of me trying to tell her which way to go.

She didn't listen to me, and kept driving in circles. But we finally got to the shop (after she stopped for some fried chicken - and she didn't share ANY of it with me!)

I am always a big help at Mom's shop.

This picture shows me heading back to the classroom, so I can help everybody with their class.

Look how ready I am, in case someone needs help!

I help the students a lot, but the person who needs my help the most is this guy - he's the teacher. His name is Daniel, and I help him all the time.

I'm heading over to help him organize his tools.

I'm making sure he puts everything where it belongs.

I'm standing in his toolbox, so he will know where to put that Dremel thing.

I watched him very closely when he was polishing the student's pieces with it, and I almost got my nose polished!



I like helping with Mom's classes! I get lots of pats and rubs!

And I even got some Cheez-its!

Finally, I was ready to go, but Mom wasn't.

So I had to dance around the door with my Baby, so she would get the message.

She finally got my leash, and we went home.

She promised that she would get me a new soccer ball (FINALLY!) and take me back to the park. That will be fun, because I love playing soccer!

Barefoot in the Park, Part 1

Mom and I went to the dog park on Sunday .

I was really excited, but let's face it - I get excited just going out to get the mail everyday! If my leash is involved, I act like a ridiculous fool!

And if a car ride is involved - Oh Boy!!

Mom got lost 3 times on the way to the park, but we finally got there. I was about to jump out the car window when Mom parked the car, and she finally calmed me down and got me out of the car, and we headed over to the park.

I saw all those other dogs in there, but there was a big fence around the park, and when Mom and I got close to the fence, all these dogs stormed over to the gate, and I got a little scared.

But Mom made me go in anyway, and then she immediately took off my leash, and we walked around a little. The first thing I did was make a big poop - so Mom cleaned that up, and then she got out my tennis ball and threw it, so I chased it, and brought it back to her. She threw it again, but I refuse to chase balls if she is just going to throw them away again, so she had to go pick it up herself this time.

And then I got down to business.

I realized that there were a whole bunch of people at the dog park just waiting to rub me, and I set out to meet every single one of them!

This nice lady had set up a chair right inside the gate, and I headed over to her first, because she was down at my level, clearly inviting me over!


Then I introduced myself to this nice lady.

Then I met this nice man - he was a good back-rubber.

See - here he is again - he really knows how to find that sweet spot!

This was a super nice lady - I spent a lot of time with her, 'cause she would bend over and rub me and talk to me.

This little boy is Sam - he was really nice to me, and patted me a lot. He belongs to the nice lady in the pink shirt.

She explained to Sam not to rub my hair backwards, because it feels funny!

Here I am with Sam again, and that nice man that rubbed my back earlier - now he's rubbing my butt! I don't know about you, but I love a good butt rubbin'.

Then I met this lady - she rubbed my back for awhile....

And then she bent down and gave me a nice butt-rubbin'!

Then I headed back to the lady in the chair -

I backed up to her, so she would understand that I like to have my butt rubbed. Look what a good job she's doing.

But that black dog was jealous - he followed me from person to person, trying to horn in on my action.

I'll tell you more about my big trip next time!

Don't forget to vote in my poll!

Mom promises to make some changes, depending on the results of the poll!

And may I just say, Mom bought me a rawhide bone last Saturday, and I carry it around some, but I have only chewed it once - rawhide bones are just NOT a good treat. I would rather chew my babies! The only time I will chew a rawhide bone is when Mom holds one end of it for me, and I am snuggling in her lap. Mom says that is because I am man-ip-u-la-tive. I don't know what that means - but I know it means I have my Mom very well-trained.

I'm looking for some bloggy followers, too! You don't have to follow so closely that you're sniffing my butt or anything, but I'd love some more followers!

See you soon!

Tomorrow's the Day!

It rained all day today, but the weatherman says it will be Sunday tomorrow, and Mom says we are going to the park!

After that, don't tell anybody, but I have to go to her bead shop with her, because she has a class there - she sometimes does special classes on Sundays, and sometimes I go. I am not sure I like it there - it has a lot of different smells, and lots of peoples, and I am used to being alone with Mom.

I run around the whole time I'm there, and I help all the people do their classes - this is how I help: I walk around and around the table, and when I see someone holding their elbow really really still, I pop up and push their elbow really hard with my nose. THAT really gets their attention! Mom hates when I do that, but the students know I am just helping.

I get really bored there, and every 10 minutes I tell Mom I need to go outside.

But I might be really tired at the shop tomorrow, from having so much fun in the park!

Yea!

Please vote in my dog treat poll - I think that if Pizza wins, things could really be changing around here!

Hurry up Sunday!

I am so excited that I have been dancing around a lot today!Sometimes I make my Mom trip when I dance around, 'cause I go around and around in circles, and around her legs, and she never anticipates my next move - but I just get so excited some times!

And guess what!


Didja guess?

Mom did some research, and found out all about the local dog park, and promised me we would go on Sunday, as long as it isn't raining!!!!!!!!!!!




I hope the dog park has a really cool pool, like this one -

that looks so coooool!








Or maybe a beach, like this one!

I looove the beach!

The beach has pelicans, and I swim and swim and chase them all away! Pelicans are kinda like squirrels - you chase and chase, but you hardly ever catch one. But a dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do!

So I hope this is what I'm doing on Sunday!

They Were Right!

You know all those "experts" who say that dogs and their owners tend to look alike?

Kinda like these pics:

These folks do sort of resemble their doggies -

and I have noticed this tendency a lot on my own, by watching the folks walking their dogs in my neighborhood, and especially watching TV!

I love TV (just like my Mom)

My Mom and I have the exact same color of hair.

Mom won't let me show any pictures of her - she is real shy - not like me at all!

One of my Mom's friends painted this picture of my Mom on a rock -

My Mom has blue eyes, and red hair like me, but she doesn't look like a rock!

But anyway, my Mom sent me this link that is supposed to tell you what your personality is like, based on your blog writing style! So I figured I would check it out, and this is what it said about me:

My blog analysis indicates that I am of the type:

ESFP - The Performers

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves. The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

This is exactly like me!

And sure enough, these are the same results my Mom got when she analyzed her blog!

So those experts are right - pets and owners tend to be a lot alike!

My Mom doesn't have as much hair as I do, and she doesn't smell as good as I do, but otherwise, you can hardly tell us apart!

Tag - I'm it!

My new friend Lola inspired this post -

Last week, my friend Carol Dean asked me to play tag with her, and this was the result.

It was a lot of fun!

PS - Lola, check out #16!