Sunday, August 30, 2009

How many do YOU have?

How many names do YOU have?

My Mom has a bunch of names for me, but no matter what she calls me, I know she is talking to me (partly because there's no one else here, but also because sometimes you just know stuff, you know?)

These are some of my names - some of them are really silly, but I don't mind:

Stinky Baby
Big Stink
Bailey Doodle
Baby Doodle
Sweet Peasums
Baby Cake
Baby Cakers
Peas and Rabbits
Baby Darlin'
Darlin' Pea Pie
Pretty Boy
Baby Doodles
Stinky Pot
Cuddle Bug
Doll Baby
Love Muffin
Fur Ball
Hey You
Foot Boy
Bailey Poo-kette
Bailey Boo-ker (rhymes with pooker)
Bailey Boo-kette
Snuggie Uggums
Big Dog
Love Bunny
Bubba Dog
Beakie Doodles

That's all I can think of right now!

Mom can call me whatever she wants, as long as she doesn't call me Late to Supper.


Tell me some of your names!

Oh yeah - don't forget to vote for my definition (don't vote for the wrong one)! Thanks!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Check me out!

Hey guys - I have made it to the BIG time as a journalist now!

I am now published in Urban Dictionary!

Take a look, and give my definition a paws up!


Me - giving a paws up. I need a little more practice!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

My Name is Bailey, and I am a Poopaholic

Mom told me that I absolutely, positively, cannot tell this story.

So here goes.

I am mostly a good dog, but sometimes dogs have certain urges ... and that is why there is a well known saying: "A dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do."

And, well, I do doo-doo.

Like many poopaholics, I started with that gateway doo-doo: rabbit poop.
We have lots of rabbits in our yard, and they leave lots of poop, and it is yummy.
Except for this bunny - he lives next to our deck, and I've never seen him move. He doesn't ever make poop, and he doesn't even smell like a bunny.

But I digress.

We have a really really big back yard, and lots of woods in our yard, and I like to roam around in the woods a lot. And lots of times that is where I poop. But if I don't poop in the woods, I poop in one of Mom's flower beds.
That is very important to this story.

See, a long, long time ago, before I was even born, Mom had another beautiful Golden, and he was very persnickety, and would only poop in the freshly mown grass. So Mom had to go out everyday and scoop up his poop and throw it in the bushes, so that both of them wouldn't step in it.

So when I came along, and never pooped in the grass, she was very excited - 'cause she didn't ever have to scoop poop anymore!

And then one day, I ran out of bunny poop, and discovered some of my old poop in a flower bed, and I ate it.
And then I couldn't stop - I think of it as recycling.
Mom was horrified, and decided I might have a dietary deficiency, or something, so she took me to the vet, and asked the vet what she should do about a poop-eating dog.

And the vet said: "Well, you could always just scoop up his poop.... But there is nothing wrong with Bailey."
Well, duh.

Mom was really mad at the vet for this advice. She tried putting a muzzle on me when I went out in the yard, but I could squeeze my tongue out through the tiny opening in the muzzle, and still eat poop.

So Mom has given up on my "horrible addiction" as she calls it.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

TDH strikes again!

I don't know about you guys, but my Mom has this strange, magical machine in the kitchen, and I really wish she would get rid of it.

It is square, and has a door that folds down, and most of the time my Mom leaves the door open ('cause she is lazy -- oops, there goes my treat tomorrow...!), and lots of times my toys roll under that door and get stuck. And sometimes I catch the edge of the door with my cone, and that is just annoying.

But the real problem is, Mom puts dishes in this machine - dishes and cups and silverwares - all kinds of stuff that I could be cleaning for her, and when she cuts on the machine, it makes a quiet noise for a long time, and then the dishes come out with absolutely no food left on them. This is a waste of perfectly good snacks!!

And what I really want to know is, where does all the food go??

Well, I thought I figured it all out yesterday:

Mom was unloading the machine - taking all the plates that I could have cleaned for her (and a whole lot faster, too, if you know what I mean!), and after she got the bottom shelf emptied, she said "hmmm" and she pulled the bottom shelf all the way out real fast and reached her arm way inside the machine, and she grabbed something out of it, and just kind of tossed it on the kitchen floor, and went back to inspecting the stoopid machine.

I had been halfway watching her from my comfy rug in the dining room, but when I saw her drop this thing on the kitchen floor, I jumped up like a rocket, and zoomed into the kitchen to check it out. 'Cause I just knew it was food - right? I mean, food goes in - so it must come out.

And Mom heard my claws clicking as I ran like a fool, and she turned around and saw me zooming in on it, and she said "No, Bailey" which everyone knows is Mom secret code for "Now Bailey, that is a delicious snack that I really really want for myself, so you stay away!", so I took 2 quick sniffs, and sucked up that treat!

Like lightning, I tell you.

And Mom said "You are SO gross, Bailey."

And that's when it hit me - I had just eaten a giant clump of Toxic Dog Hair.

Monday, August 17, 2009


Y'all remember how I told you about all the construction going on next door? And how I have this really cool peep-hole in my fence?
It's always been there forever and ever, so I could visit with the next door doggies?

Well, Mom came home from work a few days ago, and let me out, and I ran to my peep-hole to check on the new doggy that moved in last week, and look what we found!

I am so mad!

The new neighbors blocked off my peep-hole.

Mom is mad, too - because it is her fence!

Mom and I played a little soccer today, but not much, because it was really hot and humid outside.

Mom said she might get her saw out and give me my peep-hole back. I hope she does, 'cause I am a very curious and friendly dog! I want to visit with the doggy next door.

But the neighbor peoples don't seem very nice at all.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Toxic Dog Hair: the Truth

My mailbox has been flooded with e-mails from other friends whose dog toys have inexplicably fallen apart, and they also suspect toxic dog hair (TDH) is the culprit.

As a responsible journalist, I have now done extensive research into this, and these are my findings:

I have inspected hundreds of photos of my poor dead dog toys - I have found copious amounts of dog hair in every photo!

By now, you have probably seen the pics of poor cow baby's left ear - covered in TDH!

Here is more irrefutable photographic evidence:

And a close up photo of poor piggy's tummy area:

Click on the photo if you need to - I have circled what I believe to be Ground Zero of the TDH accumulation.

I have hundreds of more photos that tell the same sad story, but quite frankly, it was very painful for me to go back and look at all my dear old, and now sadly demised, friends, and I just don't think I can bear to relive these memories again.

So here are my new theories, the result of several hours of extensive study, whenever I wasn't sleeping, or eating, or getting my tummy rubbed:
Toxic Dog Hair (TDH) is responsible for:

1) Global Warming -- there are probably tons and tons of TDH floating around up there somewhere, trapping those greenhouse gases, whatever they are...

2) Hurricanes and Typhoons (forget that silly "Butterfly Effect" nonsense - I suspect TDH)

3) the Blue Screen of Death and other critical computer errors -- there's really no doubt here -
my Mom has had to have her computer professionally cleaned (and even replaced, one time) because so much TDH got inside it that it stopped working --- sorry, Mom

4) the Current Economic Crisis - I won't even pretend to know what this is, but the News Guy is always saying it, and he sound really sad and serious when he says it, so it must be something bad, and I bet TDH is involved.

5) And, most importantly (to me), the deterioration of my favorite babies.

That's all I have come up with so far, but I will keep conducting my top secret research.

Let me know if you have some horrible events you believe are caused by TDH.

The world must know!!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The End is Near...

When Mom came home from work, she found this on her pillow:

Do you recognize it?

Here is a hint:

It is cow baby's left ear.

Once again, one of my brand new dog toys is falling apart, all on it's own.

But I think I have figured out the reason all my dog toys keep falling apart!

If you look closely at the top picture, you will notice there there is a lot of Bailey-hair all over the ear. Hence, dog hair must cause deterioration of dog toys, and the longer you play with them, the more dog hair they get on them, so the more rapid the deterioration.

I really AM a genius, just like my Mom says!