It's my birthday!

Today is my 12-year old birthday! It has been a really fun day.

Mom said I couldn't have a new birthday party hat today, because she spent too much money on this hat she wore to some dumb ole wedding a couple of days ago, and now I have to wear it so she can "get her money's worth out of it".

She thought she looked really pretty in it, until the press said it was ugly. I don't really think it is ugly, although it looks a little like the rose trellis in our backyard. So anyway, now it is my hat, and it pinches my head a little, so I'm gonna take it off soon and chew it up, like I do with all my hats. 'Cause you know how I feel about dogs and hats!

So, except for the hat, I have had the bestest birthday ever! Mom declared it a holiday, and said we would be staying home from work all day and lounging around, and that is what we did. And she opened all the windows, and I spent a long time barking at all the trespassers that walked by in front of our house. And I barked at a box, but in my defense, it was a really big box.

Oh, and I got a dumb ole rawhide chip.

The bestest part of my birthday was that all my facebook friends are celebrating with me!

See you later!

My weekend

Well, some good stuff happened and some bad stuff happened, and some weird stuff happened!

On Friday afternoon at work, Mom announced that she needed to vacuum, so she brought out the vacuum and plugged it in (Gumball is very scared of the vacuum!) and she started to vacuum, and then she stopped, and said that the vacuum wasn't sucking anything up.

She checked the vacuum cleaner bag, and it was empty, and she had put it in the right way.

Then she turned the vacuum cleaner upside down, and started inspecting the big spinning bar on the bottom of it, and she sat down with the upside-down vacuum and got some small scissors and started cutting, and kept talking about how there was some dog hair wrapped around the brush, but not much (HA!) and that normally that didn't affect the sucking, anyway.

Then she inspected all the hoses, and couldn't find anything blocking them.

So then she got really confused, and she started taking the vacuum apart, and on the inside of it she found a yellow sponge that looked like Sponge Bob Square Pants, and it was clean. So now she didn't know what to do. She finally decided to explore some more, because she said she was NOT going to buy a new vacuum, and I hope not, because this one has a wonderful "Bailey attachment" that she uses to vacuum me, and it feels Sooooooooooo good!

She lifted up the vacuum Sponge Bob Square Pants, and said "Whoa..."

She even made her friend come and look at it, and her friend said "Oh my god you got a hamster in your vacuum!" So that got me to come in for an even closer look.

But it wasn't a hamster!

This is what it looked like after Mom used tools to dig it out of the vacuum's tummy.

Mom says it was a dense blob of my hair and carpet fibers from the store. And some dirt. it was pretty big! This sort of proves my theory about toxic dog hair, huh? After Mom put the vacuum cleaner back together, it worked like brand new! But here's the deal: That is NOT my hair. It is Gumball's.

Here is my proof: 1) As you can seen in this picture, my hair is a lustrous red, while Gumball's hair is sandy brown, like the vacuum hamster's.
2) Golden Retreiever's do NOT shed. It is a well-known fact, right, guys?
3) Mom vacuums me almost every day at work, so there is no way any of my beautiful hair could get trapped in the vacuum's tummy (um, that made sense in my head)

On Sunday, Mom asked me if I wanted to go ride in the car, so I came running, and jumped in the car, and Mom did NOT go back inside to get Gumball. Just Mom and me went for a ride! It was so peaceful! We went to work, but just for a short visit. And then we had another peaceful ride home!

Later Sunday night Mom was working on the computer (duh), doing something she calls "syncing the iPad." I do not know anything about that, but I DO know that now she has TWO laptop computers, and that is no fair. But anyway, when she does this syncing thing, the small computer is hooked up to the other computer with a short cord she calls the "USB Cable". And this syncing stuff takes a really really long time, like 2 hours! It is ridiculous. But anyway, Mom started the syncing, and after about an hour she decided to go cook dinner, and so I ate my dinner, and then ran upstairs to drool on her while she ate hers. And I jumped on the bed and nudged my way over to her, and she started yelling and yelling, and I decided I better go hide in my bed, even though she was eating. It was a tough decision, but she seemed pretty mad. Mad enough that she had put her hot dinner over on the table, and grabbed the computers, and that's when she started telling me I had stepped on the USB cable and unplugged it from the 'puter, and now she had to start the sync all over. Oh noes. But she started it again, and then I snuck back over to the bed, and eventually she convinced me it was safe for me to jump back up there. And I got to lick her soup bowl when she was finished. Yay!

My Mom is very confusing

Mom has started calling me by a new name: "Notchu Bailey".

She calls me "Notchu Bailey" 3 or 4 times a day, but other times she calls me my usual names, like Bailey, or Bay-Bay, or Baby, so that is why I'm confused. At first I thought she was saying "Nacho, Bailey", so naturally that got me up and running pretty fast. But she never had any Nachos for me, so I listened harder and realized it was "Notchu Bailey."

It is a pretty weird name, and it never means anything good for me. This is how it usually happens: Mom fixes a big delicious bowl of extra special dogfood, with real chicken, and cheese, and bacon, and other yummy stuff. Then she says "Come here, Baby, you're dinner is ready." So I come running over, and then she says "Notchu Bailey". And here is the not-so-good part: every time she calls me that, she gives the yummy food to Gumball.

I can't believe it has been 3 months since I blogged - I have been working really hard at Mom's store, and time just got away! As much as Facebook is a pain sometimes, it is so easy for me to pop in there and just say a few words, and I have to think real hard to do these blog posts!

I have lots of stuff to tell everybody, and new pictures, so I will try to do better. I love all you guys! Happy Holidays! Oh yeah: look at the new baby my friend Ruth got me! I shake it real hard and bop Mom and Gumball on the head. That is fun! Sometimes I knock Gumball off the bed when I do that, but he shouldn't be up there in my territory, anyway!

I hope Santa is good to all my bloggy friends!

I've Been on 'Strictshuns

"'Strictshuns" is what happens when Mom gets strict with me. She has never done this before, so I knew she meant business!

"'Stictshuns" means that my Mom said I couldn't use the computer, so I couldn't update my blog and talk to all my friends, and I have missed you! And I couldn't use dumb ole FaceBook, but that was OK, because FaceBook still confuses me and makes my head hurt sometimes.

Mom said I had to be on 'strictshuns until I got an attitude adjustment about Gumball. She said I cannot exagerrate about him anymore, or call him "Dumball", or mean kind of stuff like that. And that I have to try to be less jealous. She said I am his big brother now, and I have to set a good example.

Then she told me I was really the "little brother" because he is much older than I am, but since he is so tiny, and I was here first, I get to be the big brother.

I had a lot of problems at first with this attitude thing. Like, he gets to eat 6 or 7 times a day! (I was gonna say he gets to eat a hundred times a day, but that is the kind of exaggerating I can't be doing anymore).

And he eats special food! It smells so good, and he gets to have real gravy on it (not the gravy that comes out of the tap on Mom's sink, like I get). And at first, Mom would have to tie me up with my leash, or shut me up in the bedroom or bathroom, so that I wouldn't eat his food. I never tried to eat it while HE was eating it, but it takes him an hour to eat (that is NOT an exaggeration!) and he has this habit of eating for 10 minutes or so, and then walking a lap around the downstairs, and going back to his bowl and eating some more - and he does this all the time. I figured that once he walked away that bowl of food is fair game, and I should get to clean up what was left, but Mom said "No", 'cause he needs his food 'cause he is so skinny, and after a few days of being tied on my leash or shut up in the bathroom, I learned real quick that I can only clean his bowl when Mom tells me it is OK. So I sit a few feet away, and wait for those magic words.

But I still don't understand why he gets to eat so much - Mom says my doctor told her he needs to gain 4 pounds - but she told my Mom I could stand to gain 5 pounds, and Mom only added a midnight snack for me!


And I'm not supposed to step on him anymore - so I always look where I am barreling now, and try very hard to be careful where I put my feet, 'cause he always seems to be right up under me!



Mom got me a new elephant Baby to reward me for being a good big brother.












And here's something else I don't understand - Gumball doesn't like Babies! Or Squeaky toys!

I'm not complaining - I am happy that he doesn't steal my toys like Nummy does!








But the little chowhound steals my bones!!

Oh Noes!!

Mom started giving me extra bones, and I was enjoying one on the bed, and Gumball came over and just put his mouth right on it, so I moved back, and he proceeded to drag it off to his bed.

He doesn't even know how to carry a bone correctly, and all he does is lick lick lick them - Mom says it is because he doesn't have any teeth.





This is me pouting right after he stole this delicious bone. He somehow gets one end of my bones in his mouth, and then drags them backward, using the floor or the bed as his bottom jaw ('cause he doesn't have a bottom jaw either) and the next thing you know, they are in his bed.












Here is Gumball playing with my stolen cheesebone, and you can see the other special bone tucked in his bed.

He even buries them under the soft mattress in his bed! But I know all about his hiding places, and when he is not in his bed, I go over to it and steal my bones back. I am still getting in a little bit of trouble for this. Mom says she will just get me a new bone every time he steals mine, but it's the principle, you know?





He started stealing my bones the day before Mom took him to see my doctor, and left me at home! I knew she had been there, because she smelled like my doctor's office when she got home! Mom says the doctor told her that Gumball remembers chewing bones when he was younger, and that it was perfectly OK for him to have bones, and they DO seem to make him happy, so I let him keep stealing them. But I still steal them back sometimes!




Mom sometimes puts his bed on top of her bed, and he used to sleep up there with her, but she stopped doing that a couple of days ago, because when he gets thirsty or want to go outside, he would just leap over the side of the bed and onto the floor, and Mom was afraid he was going to get hurt.

He has special stairs that he can use to get up and down from Mom's bed, and he is getting better about using the stairs instead of jumping.

You see how he has his own soft special blue bed? He has one at Mom's store, too. At home, he has a bad habit of sneaking into my special bed, instead of his. But at the store, he has never even tried to get in my bed. Mom says that is because it is too far away from my Mom - and I think that sounds about right, because he follows her everywhere!

So this is my big pouty face after my bones got stolen. Even my Babies couldn't cheer me up.

But I am doing much better, and Mom keeps telling me I am the bestest dog, and she gives me lots of kisses and hugs, but things are definitely different. Like we hardly ever play soccer anymore.

And we don't go on walkies anymore, but Mom says that is because it is so hot. I'm not sure about that. At least I know Gumball can't go on walks with us, because most of the time he walks super-slow, and then gets tired, and Mom carries him. And when she carries him, she rubs his back, and kisses his head, and talks to him in his ears, and most of the time I just run ahead of them so I don't have to watch all that. And that is just for our short potty trips at home or at work - imagine what it would be like if it was one of our long walkies!

I'm not so sure about this big brother stuff, but I am trying very hard to be a good big brother, 'cause it makes my Mom happy, and she tells me how good I am, and also because I did not like 'strictshuns!

Not much happenin' here

Not much going on here - Mom says it is the Dog Days of Summer - but I don't see anything particularly "doggy" about them.

It is hot hot hot hot hot. And humid. So it is not much fun outside.

When I go outside with Mom, I run for my soccer ball and I really want to play soccer with Mom, but by the time I bring the ball to her, I am too hot to play, so I just stand there, holding my ball, and let her rub my butt. Then SHE gets too hot, and tells me it is time to go inside.

But she lets me bring my soccer ball inside now, and we play a little bit in the house, but we have to be very careful!



My friend Kathy came to visit me 3 weeks ago, and she stayed for a real long time, and that was a lot of fun. Except one morning Kathy and my Mom left the house when it was still dark outside, and they were gone for a long time, and when the garage door finally opened again, only Kathy was there! She left my Mom somewhere! I was very upset about this.

The next day, Kathy left me all alone at the house again, but she came home soon, and she had found my Mom! I was so glad to see her. But Mom didn't feel good, and had a boo-boo on her neck, and had to go to bed. She started to feel a little better after a few days, and we are going back to work everyday, but she says she still doesn't feel good enough to take me for walkies. I think it's partly because it is so hot!

I survived the bang-bang noises again for another time - this time, our dumb ole neighbors made the bang-bang noises for 2 days in a row! It was scary!

I hope you aren't as hot as I am!

I am spending a lot of time making new friends on FaceBook. Facebook still confuses me, but I am trying!

I'll try anything, once...

I don't know about you guys, but I enjoy eating. Good grief - just look at my avatar!

Basically, almost anything will do - I'm not real picky, as you know.

Although, there are a few things that I just won't eat - like plain ole dry lettuce. Or those bacon thingies.


Mom had a banana at the store the other day.


Naturally, I acted like banana was my favoritist food EVER!


And I told Mom I needed some banana, NOW!


But Mom was being all piggy about her banana, and wouldn't give me a single bite.


So then I told her that banana PEEL was my favoritist food EVER in the whole world, and I asked her very politely (I even stood up on my back legs) for the banana peel.


Mom looked at me like I was crazy, but she handed me the peel.

I have never even smelled one before - but since I had put on such a big show about getting this peel, I knew I couldn't spit it out, so I had to act like it was the best treat EVER!








But you know what - banana peels are not good dog treats.

So I had to carry the peel around, and whenever Mom tried to get it away from me, I ducked my head the other way, and acted like I had some great treasure.

Mom finally left me alone, and I carried the peel a little while longer so she would know I thought it was special, but then, when she wasn't looking, I dropped it in the middle of the floor in the store.


By then, Mom had forgotten about it - and she didn't remember it until a customer came in and saw the peel on the floor. Oooops.


Mom says that was my last banana peel. That's OK - I will just go find my friend Franklin and get some REAL treats!

My Weekend

First of all, Mom did NOT let me use the computer last night, like she promised.

She told me that she was watching "Dancing With the Stars", whatever that is, and that my blogging was not going to get in between her and Maks.

So she watched TV, and I sat in her lap, but then she suddenly got all mad about something, and turned off the TV, and said "that SUCKS!", and told me no more TV, and no computer. So she read a book.

Then she told me after a few minutes that Maks had gotten robbed! Robbing is BAD! I feel very sorry for Maks, whoever he is - Mommy was very mad about his robbery.

OK - on to my story.

My Mom has not been feeling good for a long time, but I have been taking very good care of her. Really!

She blabs and blabs about her problems over here.

Well, evidently, I didn't take good enough care of her, because last Thursday, we were at the shop, and the door opened, and in came my good friend John. John is one of our friends that we visit in the mountains a lot, and he pats me and rubs me and plays foot-ball with me (that means he and I wrestle my toy balls with his feet when he is sitting in his recliner! It is a fun game!!)



But here is the problem:

John brought my arch-nemesis, Nummy, with him!



Look at her prancing around my store like she owns the place!







She just took over!

I tried to mind my own business, but she was everywhere!













Look at her licking her lips - just thinking of ways to pester me!

I bet you think she looks all innocent and sweet, huh?

Well, she isn't.

She steals my toys, and I share my food with her all the time, but if I try to take a bite of HER food, she turns into a snarling Tasmanian devil.

Seriously- she chases me all over my own house, trying to protect her precious food!

Look at Nummy, doing MY job, watching for customers and delivery men.

And this is an absolutely true story:

One night, we went to Chic-Fil-A after work. John was driving Mom's car, and he was holding Princess Nummy. I was in the back seat, as usual. Mom was on the passenger side.

When we got to the window, Mom reminded John that he had to roll down my window so I could talk to the peoples at the drive-in window, so John rolled it down.

But then, he asked the peoples at the drive-in window if they had any treats for cute dogs, and 3 pretty girls all stuck their heads out the window, ooh-ing and aah-ing over that devil-dog Nummy, and saying how cute she is, and then apologizing for not having any treats for her.

What am I? Chopped Liver?

So my Mom leaned over and told them they had hurt my feelings, and one of them said, "Well, he has cute eyes".

Hmmmph. Cute eyes.

John and Nummy went home yesterday. I miss John.

Facebook!

I have a ton of stuff to tell you guys, but Mom left the dumb-ole camera at home, and what is all my news without the pics? BOring - that's what.

So instead, here is today's big announcement!

I am on Facebook!

Come visit me, and be my FaceBook Friend! Hope to see you soon.

And hopefully when I get home tonight, Mom will let me blog my news about what she did to me this weekend.......

So Here's the Deal

Remember my awesome idea to stop eating dogfood so I could spend all day eating delicious treats from the deli near my Mom's store?


And remember how that idea kinda backfired, 'cause my Mom told the deli man that I could not have any more deli treats?


Well, Mom and Franklin (that's the nice man that owns the deli) worked out a deal, where if I eat my breakfast, I can have a little bit of treats from Franklin.


If you remember, the deli is right on the way to my potty spot. As a matter of fact, it is right next to my potty spot.

And it is a long way from Mom's shop - this photo shows a picture taken about about 3 shops away from the deli, and about 4 or 5 shops past my Mom's shop. I am standing in front of the deli. See all that pine straw just past me? There is a long stretch of pine straw and bushes going alongside the deli there - and that is a great private spot for all my doggy business!

When I tell my Mom that I need to go out, I always mean it ('cause I would never tell a lie!), but I have now started telling her I need to go out for different reasons! Only Mom doesn't speak Golden Retriever so good, 'cause she always thinks I am telling her it is potty time, and she can't understand how I could possibly need to go potty every 20 minutes!



So Mom gets my leash, and her sunglasses, and her silly-looking dumb old hat, and her keys, and opens the door. I scoot out and start trotting toward the potty spot while she is locking the store door, and she finally starts following me, and most of the time I just stop in front of the deli, and stand there.







And stand there.








And stand there.


See, if Mom doesn't have any customers at the time, and she sees that I was only "mooching for meat" as she calls it, she stops at "Montego Bay", which is a really nice store with comfy chairs outside, and pretty plants outside, and really really nice peoples there, and she sits down and starts running her mouth with all the nice peoples, and keeps one eye on me, and one eye on her store, in case a customer comes.




Every once in a while I check to make sure Mom is OK, but mostly I just stare inside the deli windows, sending thought-rays at Franklin.





More thought-rays.


Sometimes, my thought-rays are so powerful that cars pull up to the deli, and people open the door and go inside, and I scoot right on in behind them!

That makes Mom jump up out of her Montego Bay chair and run run run to the deli and haul my hienie right out of there. You guys should see my Mom run. In her dumb old floppy hat. She is a hoot!


Naturally, my super-powerful thought-rays ultimately work (they never fail!), and Franklin opens the door, and comes out to greet and treat me!









At first, I am so excited to see the treat Franklin that I jump up and dance!











But I quickly remember my manners, and Franklin gives me something yummy!

And he gives me lots of pats and rubs, too!




Every day Franklin asks my Mom if I ate my breakfast, and makes sure she says yes before he gives me any treats, so now I am a good breakfast eater again.

Except that now, I have been refusing to eat my breakfast in the kitchen, so Mom is taking it out on the deck, and I am eating al fresco. I love being outside!


And here's a little something for everyone who has read this really long story:
My Mom is holding a secret sale in her Etsy shop just for all my bloggy friends - if you visit her shop and see something you love, she will give you 10% off the regular price. All you have to do is, when you are checking out, look for the box that says "message to seller", and just type "Bailey is my friend" in the box. [You'll have to pay the regular price when you check out, but Mom will refund 10% of the item price (not counting the postage) back into your PayPal account]. But hurry - Mom says this sale ends on June 1!

Well, I went to the doctor...

I had to go to my doctor for a check-up on Monday.

She is the very same doctor I have had ever since I was a baby, and she is a very nice lady.

But I think she was very confused on Monday, because she kept calling me "Jerry" instead of Bailey. "Jerry this," and "Jerry that." Oh yeah - I remember - she was calling me "Jerry Atric". That is a weird name.

My Mom told her I was not "Jerry Atric", but my doctor insisted. And then she drew some blood from my leg for tests, and she gave me a paw-dicure, and told me I was a good boy (duh) and sent me home.

The next day, she called my Mom and told me all my tests were OK, and my Mom told her again that I was not "Jerry Atric", and the doctor laughed and said "Well, keep thinking that, and maybe he will stay healthy."

Humans are strange sometimes.

My best Christmas Present!

Back before I jumped into the swimming pool, Mom and I drove up up up the mountain to visit our friends John and Kathy for Christmas.

I was worried that Santa would not know where to find me!

But I didn't have to worry, because when I got there, the first thing I saw was my brand new chair! It is perfect for me! Mom thought it might be for her, but I quickly showed her!



It has a pillow on top, in case I decide I want a pillow. And it has a sheet to collect all my valuable dog hairs!




See how comfy it is for naps?





And it has plenty of room for me AND all my toys!


This is the new ball Santa brought me at my house right before we drove up here.

Just to refresh your memory, this is the old chair I used to sit in at Kathy and John's house - see how tiny it was!

It even made my nose look big!

Tiny chair!

I love my new chair. I let John sit in it when I am not there. Because that is how generous I am!

Return of the Coneheads - just in time for Christmas!

Well, I did it again.

One day last week, while Mom was helping customers at the store, I hid in my new bed at the store, and licked and licked and licked a spot on my hip until I had another one of those "hot spot" things that always makes Mom put the bucket on my head.

Here is me today, with my bucket head, playing with my good old "swollen tongue" toy.


This is still a great toy, even though it has quit squeaking.

I hate when squeakers quit squeaking!





Now, the good thing about wearing my bucket is that when I get tired of playing with one of my toys, I can just drop it, and carry it around in the bucket until I want to play with it again - this works pretty good with all my toys - even my big babies!

It does NOT work so good with treats Mom throws at me (why do I always miss catching them when I wear this thing?) Anyway - the treat gets stuck around my neck area, and I can't reach it, but I lick and lick trying to get it, and then the treat is all sticky, and my neck is all sticky, and, well - you get the idea.

Mom has special medicine for my boo-boo, and she puts it on me (I don't mind!) and I wear the cone around the house so I don't lick off the medicine, and so I don't lick my boo-boo.

But thanks to this new thing Mom found at the PetSmart (I Looooove going there!) - I don't have to suffer the humiliation of wearing my bucket head in public anymore!


Mom calls these doggie bandaids - they have special stuff on them to keep me from licking, and she can put in on my boo-boo, and it is basically invisible ('cause it is the same color as my fur!) - but when people at the store rub me, they sometimes find it. But sometimes not.

These doggie bandaids make Mom sneeze if she gets close too them - that is because they are coated in Cayenne pepper. They don't make me sneeze, but I sure don't lick 'em, either!

So, I wear the bucket at home, so my medicine can work, and I wear the pepper bandaid at work, so I don't look so silly. The pepper bandaid won't stick to my medicine, or else I would never have to wear the stupid bucket!

I hope everybody has a good holiday!

Mom and I are spending a couple of days lounging around the house, and then on Saturday we are driving up to the mountains to visit our friends, and we hope it is snowing up there!

Y'all will never believe this!

I STILL can't believe it!

First of all, Mom is making me tell all of you that this report card I got the last time I stayed at the doggie hotel is a BFL (Big Fat Lie).


After Mom and I took our shower last night (you should have seen how much dog hair was all over Mom when we finished - sheesh! she acted like it was gross or something!), she spent hours and hours blow-drying me.

Then she got out 2 different brushes, and a comb, and tried to "make me pretty" - but I snarled and snapped, and squirmed and wiggled, and was very uncooperative. So now she thinks the doggie hotel must put me on doggie Valium before they ever brush me.

So, anyway, back to the big news.

Mom got up 20 minutes early this morning!

I know - this is highly unusual, so I was already super-suspicious.

She did her usual morning routine, and let me do mine, and then when it was time for her to go to work (this is the time I usually hide in the backyard and make her bribe me with treats to get me to come inside) she opened the back door and yelled "Let's get your leash!"

So I came running at super duper speed, and helped her find my leash, and she put it on me, and I helped show her where the car is, and I got in, and we went.....

Straight to the doctor's office - but only so she could get me a quick pedicure.

??huh?????


So then we drove and drove some more, and we ended up at her work - and she let me in, and took off my leash, and then went back to the car and brought in my new bed, and all my new toys, and treats, and filled a water bowl for me, and told me I get to come to work with her EVERYDAY now - forever!!


Look - if you pay attention, you will see that I have a brand new cow-baby here at work - he is just like my one at home, except this one is white, and the one at home has turned brown. Don't know why - must be what happens when cows get old.



So I checked out my bed, and sometimes I lie in it, but mostly I have a lot of jobs to do!

I have to greet all the customers, and help them shop.

And Mom has lots of beads hanging on pegboards, and I dust these several times an hour, to keep them clean.




All the peoples that come here are very friendly, and like to give me rubs and treats.

I like coming here!

Can you believe it? No more staying home all by myself all day!

The only bad thing is, Mom spends a lot of time doing the same boring stuff she does at home - play with beads.

Yawn!

Something's up!

Something big is up at my house!

Mom is doing lots of laundry, and ironing, and packing her suitcases.

And that only means one thing!

VACATION!!!

So I have been doing a lot of thinking and dreaming about where we could be going.

Maybe it will be somewhere with lots and lots of snow!

I just love rolling in the snow, and eating snow!

It hardly ever snows at my house, and it is pretty hot right now, so that would be a really fun vacation, huh?

Maybe we will go back to the beach!

The beach is so cool! Lots of water for swimming (but don't drink it, 'cause you will throw up!)

And lots and lots of birds to chase, especially those pesky pelicans! They like to tease me - they land really close to me in the water, and I thrash around trying to swim to them, and then they fly 3 feet away, and stare at me, and we do it all over again.

And rolling in the sand is SO cool! Then you go and jump in Mom's lap. That is fun!

And there is horse poop at the beach we go to - and you know how I feel about that!

Or maybe we will go to a big fancy hotel and doggie spa, and I can sleep late, and get massages and belly rubs!

I have NO idea where we are going, but I'll tell you all about it when I get back.

Check out my new poll, and vote for where you think Mom and I should go!!

See ya!

How many do YOU have?

How many names do YOU have?

My Mom has a bunch of names for me, but no matter what she calls me, I know she is talking to me (partly because there's no one else here, but also because sometimes you just know stuff, you know?)

These are some of my names - some of them are really silly, but I don't mind:

Bailey
Bailey-Boo
Boo
Boo-boo
Bay
Baby
Stinky
Stinky Baby
Stinky-poo
Stink
Big Stink
Stinker
Poo-Bear
Poo
Bailey-doo
Bailey Doodle
Baby Doodle
Doo-doo
Sweet-pea
Sweet Peasums
Pea-pie
Baby Cake
Baby Cakers
Cake
Cakers
Sweetness
Sweetness-pea
Peas and Rabbits
Doodlebug
Sweetums
Goofball
Goofhead
Baby Darlin'
Darlin' Pea Pie
Pretty
Pretty Boy
Baby Doodles
BB
B-dog
Stinky Pot
Cuddle Bug
Doll Baby
Stinkerpotamus
Stinkypotamus
Love Muffin
Fur Ball
Hey You
Foot Boy
Bailey Poo-kette
Poo-kette
Bailey Boo-ker (rhymes with pooker)
Boo-ker
Bailey Boo-kette
Boo-kette
Snuggie Uggums
Big Dog
Pookie
Boogie
Boogalooze
Love Bunny
Booger-dog
Bubba Dog
Beakie
Beakie-Doo
Beakie Doodles


That's all I can think of right now!

Mom can call me whatever she wants, as long as she doesn't call me Late to Supper.

HaHAHaHAhahahahaha

Tell me some of your names!

Oh yeah - don't forget to vote for my definition (don't vote for the wrong one)! Thanks!

Check me out!

Hey guys - I have made it to the BIG time as a journalist now!

I am now published in Urban Dictionary!

Take a look, and give my definition a paws up!

Thanks!

Me - giving a paws up. I need a little more practice!

My Name is Bailey, and I am a Poopaholic

Mom told me that I absolutely, positively, cannot tell this story.

So here goes.

I am mostly a good dog, but sometimes dogs have certain urges ... and that is why there is a well known saying: "A dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do."

And, well, I do doo-doo.

Like many poopaholics, I started with that gateway doo-doo: rabbit poop.
We have lots of rabbits in our yard, and they leave lots of poop, and it is yummy.

Except for this bunny - he lives next to our deck, and I've never seen him move. He doesn't ever make poop, and he doesn't even smell like a bunny.

But I digress.

We have a really really big back yard, and lots of woods in our yard, and I like to roam around in the woods a lot. And lots of times that is where I poop. But if I don't poop in the woods, I poop in one of Mom's flower beds.

That is very important to this story.

See, a long, long time ago, before I was even born, Mom had another beautiful Golden, and he was very persnickety, and would only poop in the freshly mown grass. So Mom had to go out everyday and scoop up his poop and throw it in the bushes, so that both of them wouldn't step in it.

So when I came along, and never pooped in the grass, she was very excited - 'cause she didn't ever have to scoop poop anymore!

And then one day, I ran out of bunny poop, and discovered some of my old poop in a flower bed, and I ate it.

And then I couldn't stop - I think of it as recycling.

Mom was horrified, and decided I might have a dietary deficiency, or something, so she took me to the vet, and asked the vet what she should do about a poop-eating dog.

And the vet said: "Well, you could always just scoop up his poop.... But there is nothing wrong with Bailey."

Well, duh.

Mom was really mad at the vet for this advice. She tried putting a muzzle on me when I went out in the yard, but I could squeeze my tongue out through the tiny opening in the muzzle, and still eat poop.

So Mom has given up on my "horrible addiction" as she calls it.

TDH strikes again!

I don't know about you guys, but my Mom has this strange, magical machine in the kitchen, and I really wish she would get rid of it.



It is square, and has a door that folds down, and most of the time my Mom leaves the door open ('cause she is lazy -- oops, there goes my treat tomorrow...!), and lots of times my toys roll under that door and get stuck. And sometimes I catch the edge of the door with my cone, and that is just annoying.



But the real problem is, Mom puts dishes in this machine - dishes and cups and silverwares - all kinds of stuff that I could be cleaning for her, and when she cuts on the machine, it makes a quiet noise for a long time, and then the dishes come out with absolutely no food left on them. This is a waste of perfectly good snacks!!


And what I really want to know is, where does all the food go??


Well, I thought I figured it all out yesterday:

Mom was unloading the machine - taking all the plates that I could have cleaned for her (and a whole lot faster, too, if you know what I mean!), and after she got the bottom shelf emptied, she said "hmmm" and she pulled the bottom shelf all the way out real fast and reached her arm way inside the machine, and she grabbed something out of it, and just kind of tossed it on the kitchen floor, and went back to inspecting the stoopid machine.

I had been halfway watching her from my comfy rug in the dining room, but when I saw her drop this thing on the kitchen floor, I jumped up like a rocket, and zoomed into the kitchen to check it out. 'Cause I just knew it was food - right? I mean, food goes in - so it must come out.

And Mom heard my claws clicking as I ran like a fool, and she turned around and saw me zooming in on it, and she said "No, Bailey" which everyone knows is Mom secret code for "Now Bailey, that is a delicious snack that I really really want for myself, so you stay away!", so I took 2 quick sniffs, and sucked up that treat!

Like lightning, I tell you.

And Mom said "You are SO gross, Bailey."

And that's when it hit me - I had just eaten a giant clump of Toxic Dog Hair.

Bummer

Y'all remember how I told you about all the construction going on next door? And how I have this really cool peep-hole in my fence?
It's always been there forever and ever, so I could visit with the next door doggies?




Well, Mom came home from work a few days ago, and let me out, and I ran to my peep-hole to check on the new doggy that moved in last week, and look what we found!

I am so mad!

The new neighbors blocked off my peep-hole.

Mom is mad, too - because it is her fence!



Mom and I played a little soccer today, but not much, because it was really hot and humid outside.



Mom said she might get her saw out and give me my peep-hole back. I hope she does, 'cause I am a very curious and friendly dog! I want to visit with the doggy next door.

But the neighbor peoples don't seem very nice at all.