Cruel and Inhumane? You tell me!

My Mom tortured me for over 2 hours today!

She does this a lot - and it is high time I told the truth about this horrible treatment I receive!

Mom fixes herself these fancy lunches, and dinners, and sometimes even breakfast (like French Toast, which looks and smells delicious, but she has never never let me taste it- she says the sugar is bad for me.)

So anyway, she goes downstairs to the kitchen, and fixes the stuff.

Today, she fixed a big old fancy salad - with lettuce, and grilled chicken, and cherry tomatoes, and corn, and carrots, and sunflower seeds, and cheese cheese cheese, and dressing -- all my favorites, except of course for lettuce. I will NOT eat plain lettuce - but Mom's lettuce always have lots of dressing on it, so it is yummy.

Anyway, before she started fixing her salad, she gave me a big bowl of my breakfast. Which is AS IT SHOULD BE - of course I should eat first. So I was eating while she was making salad.

She finished making her salad at about the time I finished eating, and then she spent 5 minutes tossing and mixing it really good - just the way I like it!

And then she carried it upstairs, and set it down on the bed, and started playing on the dumb old computer again.

She says she has sensitive teeth, and doesn't like cold food, so the salad has to warm up before she will eat it! That, of course, is nonsense.



So I have to sit there, mere inches from that delicious salad, and just wait.

At first, I am still smiling, because I always forget how long this part takes.

Soon I start to get tired, and have to rest my head -

But I know my manners, and I know better than to get my "big nose" near her salad.

After a long long time, I finally show her I am no longer interested.

This usually works, and she starts to eat.

But she takes a few bites, puts down the salad, and goes back to the 'puter. And so sometimes it can take her 3 hours to eat her dumb old lunch.

Finally, she finishes, gives me the bowl, and I clean it for her.

I do a really good job!

Some days there is a lot more salad for me to clean up than others, 'cause sometimes Mom gets full faster than other times -

Today was one of those days when Mom didn't get very full, so I didn't have much cleaning to do.

Do any of you have cruel torture stories?

Don't even get me STARTED on baths --- they should be outlawed!!

Something weird is happening around here again...

Mom got home late from work, and she had a new dog bed for me (I LOVE my old dog bed, so this better not be some kind of trick.) And she had a bag of dog toys, and dog treats, and she carried them back out to the car.

Then she rushed me upstairs and into her bathroom, and made me take shower with her. Well, mostly it was me getting the shower - she used some girly-smelling shampoo, and then some girly-smelling conditioner, and then she tried to blow me dry (which I normally enjoy as a game) - but this was different, and after one whole hour she gave up. She said that now she knows while Phil (my Professional Bather) ties me to the wall when he blows me dry. And why Phil's blow dryer is 10 times more powerful than hers.

Then I wanted to run outside and roll around in the really wet dirt and mud in the backyard, and she said NO.

So I am rolling on her clean comforter, and getting it good and smelly.

She says the reason for all of this will become clear tomorrow.

She is very busy watching So You Think You Can Dance, so now I am going to go around and get reacquainted with some of my old buds!

I'll try to get back to you tomorrow with whatever the big news is.

YaWN

Bambooooooozled!

I was totally bamboozled by this whole vacation thing.

Mom loaded all her suitcases in the car, and I ran out and jumped in, while carrying my leash - and we drove 3 whole miles, and I ended up at my doctor's office, for a whole week!

They are nice people, and they play with me and everything, but that is NOT a vacation!

I even had to have a little bit of surgery, because I had a lump on my side, but the doctor told my Mom it is just a cyst, so everything is OK.

I also had to have a bath.

Whenever I stay at the kennel, Mom gets a report card, and mine is always excellent, of course. But this time, the peoples that took care of me wrote on my report card that I love to be brushed- and Mom thought they were joking, because whenever Mom tries to brush me, I squirm, and growl a little, and nip at her fingers (not hard!) - but now Mom knows it is just another one of my tricks!

Big PS to all my friends: If you are following me, and I am not following you back, please let me know - this is all very confusing to me, but I am trying very hard to figure it out!!!

I'm Home Again!

And I stink!

Mom took me to my doctor's office and I had to stay there for a long long long time. Sometimes she does that. I don't know why, but I missed Mom a whole lot, even though there are a lot of nice people there that play with me and take me for walks outside.

I knew something was up when I saw Mom packing her suitcase. Lots of time when she packs a suitcase I end up at the doctor's office.

Then, to make things worse, the day before Mom came and picked me up, they gave me a stinky bath! Doesn't anybody understand how hard I worked to get back my good doggie smell? Now I have to start all over again!

Mom is all confused this morning because I keep trying to take Baby outside with me. What she doesn't know is that the nice ladies at my doctor's office ALWAYS let me take Baby when I go outside, because they don't have dumb rules like Mom does. So Mom and I have had several arguments this morning, but I had to finally let her win, because she is the boss of me.

Speaking of dumb rules, look what I did last night!

When I went outside, I saw my soccer ball! I had almost forgotten about my soccer ball, and I was so excited! Mom was inside taking some dumb old pictures, so I played with my ball for a few minutes outside, but that was no fun, so I took it inside to try to find Mom. She didn't see me, so I took the soccer ball to the bedroom, and played on the bed for a long time. It was a lot of fun! Mom finally came in, and started loading her pictures into the computer, and she still didn't see the soccer ball! When she finally saw it, she said "Bailey..." in that low deep voice that means I shouldn't have done something, but then she started taking pictures, and even played inside soccer with me a little. And then she made me take the ball back outside.

I am glad to be home again!

My Day of Beauty

Mom and I had a big adventure on Monday. She took me to one of my favorite places - my doctor's office! I love going there, because everyone is so nice, and plays with me, and I put my feet up on the counter and the nice ladies talk to me. Sometimes I get dog biscuits, too!

On this trip, I went to get groomed. Usually, they don't let your mom come back with you when you get groomed, but I am a big-time journalist now, so Mom came back with me to take pictures.

The first part of the grooming is the haircut and the pedicure. I got really excited at first when Mom came in the room, and I jumped off the table to go see her. But I got right back up on the table so Phil could finish my haircut. He did a really good job!

Next was the bath. They got me all wet, and then soaped with up with shampoo, and scrubbed me all over. Then they rinsed me off real good, and carried me to the drying table.

And then they all backed way up, because I shook myself off really hard!

Next came one of my favorite things - the blow dryer. Whenever Mom is blow-drying her hair at home, I always come over to her and ask her to blow me with the dryer, and she never knew why I like this, but now she does.

I love the blow dryer! It feels good on me, like wind! Plus I get rubbed a lot while I am being dried!

Mom says it is OK for boy dogs to be beautiful. I just don't understand why she doesn't like for me to smell like a dog. I work really hard to smell like a dog, and now I have to start all over.

More stuff happened while we were there, but I will tell you about that next time!